So I wrote this quite a while back…

“I am relatively certain that I stress quite a lot more than the average person. I am almost constantly stressed, worried, anxious about something. My doctor has tried twice to medicate me for anxiety but I have refused because I don’t want to be drugged and want to find more natural solutions. Recently my stress level has been affecting my sleep in both quality and quantity. I lay awake in bed for hours just thinking about all thing that I need to do, things that I forgot to do, and all the things I should have and could have done better. I also worry about being a good wife and mother as well as stressing that I am always late to EVERYTHING.  I am worried about staging our house just right to sell. As well as what will happen if we don’t sell or what would happen if we did. We recently redid our floors and had a fireplace removed and a wall pushed back to increase square footage and my stress level skyrocketed during the whole process of deciding which flooring and wall color to get. Its as if the fate of the world rest on my every decision and I worry that if I make the wrong decision that we will never sell our house or we won’t get as much money for it. I feel as though every decision and mistake I make bears the weight of the world and if I forget something everyone will hate me and I will be fired and have no friends.  I also stress a lot about relationships. I am often the one who calls and makes plans with my friends so I often worry whether people actually like me or not and whether I am a nuisance or a bother. I often feel as though I am imposing or calling too often. I am also always worried about offending people……..why do I worry so much?”

Looking back and reading this again I realized some of the things I was stressing about didn’t really matter at all. For instance apparently staging and cleaning my house to perfection in most cases would probably be important but we ended up selling our house to the one person who happened to show up out of the blue when the house was a complete disaster and in the middle of a ceiling repair project. I mean it was really bad… food on the table, loads of dishes in the sink, clean and dirty laundry everywhere, and the guy bought it anyway. I don’t know what the solution is to my anxiety issues but I think knowing that I have anxiety issues is a start and realizing that some of the things I worry so much about really aren’t that important is a good next step.